I’m still alive. Three posts in one.

It’s my rebirthday today. My veganiversary. I’m two years old, although, I could swear it was longer. I felt I should mark the occasion and post a blog today. I haven’t posted in too long but there has been a lot of upheval lately and I haven’t had any time for it at all.

So, three things for you today to make up for lost time;

• A quick word about veganism

Two years in and I feel stronger in my convictions than ever before and I’m proud of it. Becoming vegan and /staying/ vegan has been the most important decision I have ever made and, reflecting on it, it was never really my decision to make. There was no choice for me. How could there have been? Take one look at Meet Your Meat or Earthlings and you’ll see for yourself. It’s not a choice; it’s a requirement. A need.

Every time I look at or think about videos like Earthlings I get angry. Why does this happen? Why doesn’t every body get it? When I think about animal suffering I want to grab an ex-vegan by the shoulders, look right into their eyes, tears streaming from mine, and say to them “look. Look at what you’re doing.”

Then beat them the fuck up.

• Project update

With everything that’s been going on I haven’t had much time or drive to sit down and write. That said, my pilot just needs polishing off before I try to hock it and other ideas are just coming at me thick and fast. Here’s an annoying thing though, say roughly, a month ago I got an idea and shared it with some friends. They all thought it was a goer and I got excited. So I sat down to write a novel. When I researched what kind of compensation train drivers could get when they run over someone I found this.

Yup. The exact plot hook I thought of comes out in cinemas tomorrow. It’s not the way I would have done it insofar as the movie looks pish. At any rate, the experience has left me feeling the need to keep on top of movie news a touch more.

In other news, plans for a webcomic are underway. I’ll not reveal anything though or a movie will come out next month.

• More Japanese takes on western IPs

Yeah, I noticed the Japanese version of TMNT was taken off youtube. Boo! To combat this, I bring you another intellectual property from the west getting the mecha treatment as soon as the Japanese get a shot at it.

Spider-Man is awesome. Mech are awesome. Japan produces awesome.

Insert Bowie reference due to circumstance change

As much as I am a fan of a decent cliche or two, I outright refuse to post a blog entry with a title like ‘Ch-ch-changes.’ Sure, it’s cute and to those who have embraced it previously I say rock on, but I shan’t be joining in on this one.

Anyway, to the point, the blog has been inactive due to various upheaval. Moving back to Glasgow has meant I have unlimited access to my friend Graham and we like to spend a lot of time together doing very little indeed. When I stay at his house, his partner and my friend Nat, has done a great job cooking vegan for me. I know I should be exploring my own culinary prowess at this juncture but for the time being the motivation to cook hasn’t been there. I may bake cookies soon though. nomnomnom. I will give some to Graham and Nat for their hospitality and such like. Also, for the past week, we’ve been finding this funny:

They got the That Mitchell and Webb Look season 1 DVD. The Sir Digby sketches haven’t really been off since.

Oh, before I forget. I got my first tattoo. It means a lot to me and is a reference to one of the great masterpieces of our time. Alan Moore’s Watchmen. Seriously, read it.

But Doctor… I am Pagliacci.

Before I start, read this excerpt from Watchmen:

Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says “Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says “But Doctor… I am Pagliacci.”

The excerpt form Watchman feels apt for me right now. I didn’t gain entry into the course that was going to define my future. My potential career was snatched from my reach so now the future does seem vague and uncertain. I’ve had a week or so to come to terms with the failure and there is hope for me. I might get in to it through the clearing process. I’m also waiting to hear back from another institution.

So yeah, I got the knock back from Strathclyde and Glasgow was all full up. My confidence was shaken. I thought I had the selection process nailed harder than a cheerleader on prom night. Dejected, I started looking at other options, most of which I’m still in the process of mulling over. Vagueness and uncertainty loom. Deciding to embrace the change of circumstance I quit my job. It had been getting me down for a long time and I should have something lined up pretty soon. Till I get working again I’ve been trying to get cracking with writing.

So, that’s the bad stuff. On a positive note I randomly gave my jacket to a homeless dude today. Felt pretty top notch to just go ahead and help someone out who didn’t expect or ask for it.

A gift from me to you.

This must be shared with the world. Let’s take a few seconds to analyse what rocks the arse off all the fanboys ‘n’ girls out there (myself very much included.)

• Teenagers, while often misunderstood, are pretty cool. I know I was.
• Ninjas are cool. Be they evil, or be they pure.
• Mutants are cool. They can be complete self-involved wankers (read, Cyclops) but cool self-involved wankers.
• Turtles… Pretty cool. They’re chilled. I like them.

You should have spotted a theme going by this point. Let’s mix shit up a bit, though. How? Well, if you want to re-invent a parody of Ronin and Daredevil? Let’s leave that to the Japanese. Behold in all its majesty.

Transforming Teenage Mutant Motherfucking Turtles. Two words. Shit. Yeah.

I wanna fuck a contortionist.

My last blog post promised I would upload something that night. My first promised I wouldn’t lie to you again. I didn’t keep either of those promises. Expect that to be a theme on this blog.

 The title of this post has always been something of a lifelong dream. An ambition of sorts. Make no mistake, I bite my lip hard when an interview panel asks me what I’d like to achieve in the next five years. The notion of screwing one with an almost mutant ability to bend in all sorts of ways excites me. It really does. Sexual gratification is an obvious highlight of this, however, the logistics of actually having sex with a contortion artist are mind boggling. Thinking of the possibilities, there is so much that can be done, unfortunately, crazy bendy sex probably wont be very graftifying for the contortionist. Actually, if any contortion artist happens to read this then please, let me know if you enjoy the crazy bendy sex.

Oh, wouldn’t it be fantastic to see a couple of contortionist really going for it… Preferably in a small box. I don’t know why, it’s how I roll.

The blog block – Already!?

Okay, so far this blog business isn’t going too well. Despite starting out with the best intentions, it has been over a week since I vowed to write regularly. I blame working for sapping my creative soul. Add to that my pending interview for my post-grad course is freaking me out.

I have been trying to write. I keep coming to this blank space and thinking ‘…maybe later.’ I have a tonne of ideas roaming around my head, I just need to pick one that I’m going to share with you first. The plan for now is to write a short series that will link together to form something worth reading. Like a webcomic without the comic. Still, it’s very daunting. I’m used to writing privately and leaking my work out to people who, in all honesty, wont be too critical of me. I should stop doing that and, apparently, that is the purpose of this thing.

I’ll do /something/ tonight. Promise.

In other news, my good friend Kyle has jumped into veganism feet first and I am very happy for him. His thoughts and musings on veganism are pretty well developed for one so new to the concept. I’m glad he has started to express what he has been feeling for a while. I’m making myself as available for him as possible, because every vegan knows how much easier the transition is when there’s someone there to point out the handy hints. Here’s hoping he finds it as easy as I did to maintain. I don’t think he’ll find it too difficult because as I told him:

Once you know, you can’t unknow.

Jumping on the blogwagon.

Not due to the new calender year, no. Rather, I was spurred on by John’s planet thing. and the plethora of cool blogs it opened my eyes to. I also decided that people should care about what I have to say because I am oh so important.
:wink. pause for laughter.:

First off, I’m going to do us all a favour, save us some time and skip the ‘getting to know you’ junk. I’m not a Siamese kid and you* aren’t an English teacher in love with my father. Anything you need to know I will be sure to tell you on the way. That’s the arrangement. Learn to love it.

The title of this blog is somewhat misleading. I apologise and I will never lie to you again. It’s misleading because I don’t intend this to be a comedy blog and it could have easily have been called ‘people are dull – so am I’ or ‘Weeg – fuck like a pornstar.’ I may yet change it, actually. I quite like that second one.

So, why start a blog when the self-involved nature of the blog has always been a turn-off for me? Well, I quite fancy making a go of this ‘writer’ shtick. I figure if I have a blog then I’ll have a space in which to write what I want, people will get to see it and judge me if I don’t update. From what I hear, writing stuff is the #1 way to become a writer.

Now if only I had some talent…

*The absurdity of typing ‘you’ just struck me as I realised that, for the time being, ‘you’ are just The Ether.